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Eduard Dolgunov

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Tradition.

Tradition.

Our brigade, a mixed hodgepodge,

Wounded birds gathered from Great Rus.

There's a doctor, Nathan Petrovich Shatr,

From Leningrad, a former psychiatrist.

Zhaldybaldan Mansurovich Falzora,

A specialist in Kalmyk folklore.

Abram Semenovich Ferts,

Head of the CPSU department.

Isaac Naumovich Rotator,

A former decorator of sorts.

And of course, Vasily Feofanovich Rakita,

Our brigadier, a great connoisseur of Hebrew.

Once we decided with the friends,

To celebrate the New Year ourselves,

And to drown the longing and sadness,

On the 31st we went to a tavern, called "Rus".

Well, we partied excellently, what can I say,

The next morning, at work, we met again.

Vasily looked unwell and rumpled,

Thoughtfully he said: — Well, what can I tell you guys,

I came habaita (home) yesterday,

A bit drunk from the tavern.

Suddenly I thought, be'hizdamnut, (by the way)

I'll take a nap for hamesh dakot. (five minutes)

I look, lying in my mita, (bed)

Ulai chaver, ulai isha. (maybe a friend, maybe a woman)

And I think in Hebrew,

Why did you crawl in here, you parasite?

Here I nichnas be'dikaon, (went into depression)

My mita (my bed), and here it is.

The bastard crawled into my bed,

Lech (go away) this second to f.... mother!

I thought in a rage, well then,

You won't leave yourself, you damn louse?

I'll show you, you brute,

Who's the real man here!

I threw off my clothes,

Then I remember nothing at all.

I woke up in the morning, my throat is dry,

Can't open my eye and my ear aches.

Yes, I think, there was a fight here,

But where is my hero?

Must have crumpled him pretty bad,

And you shouldn't have intruded, should have left peacefully.

Then I looked at the clock,

And remembered you were waiting for me.

I didn't investigate any further,

And here I am, free again.

Nathan, our psychiatrist, said:

— Nu ma! (well what)

Kvar (already) you've clearly gone mad.

Maspik (enough) man, to lishtot (drink) already,

It wasn't an isha in bed, but a devil!

Delirium tremens from the early morning,

Suddenly fell upon you.

Here Isaac entered the room,

Took a sledgehammer and whacked Vasya.

The blow landed right on the forehead,

So hard that Vasya fell ill.

Closed his eyes, became thoughtful,

In short, the friend became sad.

We all revived Vasya together,

Asked: — Izya! Why did you whack him?

Here Izka yelled: — Gevold! (help)

What the hell? What devil?

That apartment was mine,

It wasn't a devil in the bed, it was me!

To him Vasily in Hebrew:

— Slicha chaver, (sorry friend) like, excuse me.

I hope I didn't cause any harm,

And didn't do anything shameful?

Now tell me, my dear,

Did your hemorrhoids suffer?

And did you, you scoundrel,

Set up your stinking ass for me yesterday?

Izka half-rose from his chair

And showed Vasya a fig.

Well, you Vasily are a piece of crap,

It didn't get to the ass part.

You know I need peace,

So my hemorrhoids don't act up!

But your caresses, you animal,

I will dream of until the grave.

You kept trying to kiss me,

Yuck, it's disgusting even to remember.

The Kalmyk chimed in here: — Gentlemen!

I'm not getting it, as usual.

After all, we went to your place,

Vasily, remember, my dear?

You also told me then,

That your wife would make a scandal.

I remember that much, and then,

As if chopped off with an axe.

Today in the morning, early on,

Your wife gave me a can of beer,

A chunk of lard with black caviar,

And pointed the way home.

I also asked about you,

And she said that you are a louse.

Left at the crack of dawn, like, in the morning,

And didn't say a peep to her.

Suddenly Vasya became very sad,

And for some reason called home.

Vasek!

— his wife cooed,

I didn't expect such a thing.

Well, you were a hero today,

I moaned under you all night.

You really made me happy,

I don't remember such a day.

The Kalmyk yelled here: — Friends!

I was drunk, I don't remember a f...ing thing.

— Yes, — the psychiatrist said, — as I see,

You friends partied hard.

I slept peacefully in my car,

Not noticing anything.

Waking up, I was in great ecstasy,

When I saw that I was spending the night in Gaza.

As they explained to me later,

I was hijacked in my car.

And if I had been a woman,

The bastards would have sold me too.

— Well, psychiatrist, you're a great guy, —

Exclaimed the CPSU member,

You were obviously on a major bender,

Just like Ilyich in Razliv.

I, as a modest party member,

Slept comfortably all night in the restroom.

Today I'm as fresh as a cucumber,

It's just that my sacrum hurts.

— So! Here is the thing, dear friends,

Vasily said thoughtfully.

It will be better here for everyone,

To forget about this incident.

That's it! The brigadier summarized here, period,

You are not allowed to drink, that's for sure,

There are no men in our brigade,

March, everyone, to pick oranges.

Since then, we celebrate the New Year like everyone else,

With a glass of Coca-Cola, in September!