The Disgusting Pasquinade (DP)!

The Disgusting Pasquinade (DP)!
Foreword.
Having taken a half-lying position, sipping "Plznensky Prazdroj" beer, a disgusting pensioner writes disgusting pasquinades.
~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*
Pyotr Paramonovich Popkov, honorary pensioner, professor of parapsychological pedagogy, posted a petition to the President.
To the perpetually re-elected, paramount, permanent President, passionate greetings!
Since the parameters of proletarian purchasing power portray the consumption of products along a parabolic projection perfectly proportional to the pluralism parameter, permit me to politely probe, WHY WAS THE PENSIONER PLANK PUSHED UP?
Please provide the premises prompting the parliament to push the pensioner plank, given the plummeting lifetime potency parameter of the purchaser?
As panic psychosis pangs approach, given such parameters, profit from purchases perpetually peaks.
Passionate partisans plead you to pardon the passed decree pushing the pension plank, since the plummeting purchasing power of pensioners provokes a plunge in the patriotism of the post-pubescent population, provoking a peak in parasitism, pilfering, prostitution, and other punishable practices.
Therefore, we plead you to pump up pension payments, push up the purchasing parameter while pulling down the pension plank.
We politely plead you to please the pensioners, passionately partisan to the President.
Penned per the pensioners' plea, by the Prominent pensioner P. P. Popkov.

The President's proxy, perusing the petition, prodded his "sandy" pate, and with a shrug of his shoulders muttered:
— Prick! A complete one!
Summoning the proxies of the President's proxy, he dictated an epistle:

— To the prominent pensioner P. P. Popkov. The parliament pondered:

— Why, given a perpetual President, do the pensioners protest pushing the pension plank?!
Therefore, having pondered, the parliamentarians (per the President's proposal), passed a proclamation:
"Given a perpetual President, following the Parliament's paradigm, pensioners must eschew peace and prolong their productive path! Perpetually!"
Pensions should be paid to the Parliament via postal payment.
Post your petitions! Pioneer greetings to the pensioners!!
Perpetual President.
Perpetual Parliament.

Having procured the "Presidential" petition, the prominent pensioner Popkov P. P. perceived that he was p...d, crossed himself, counted his "funeral" pennies, purchased "phony" Port, "partook", and then plainly passed away.
The panikhida proceeded pompously. Priests purred psalms, proxies of the Ruling Party were present.
Past the churchyard, to patriotic pop songs, the Presidential platoon paraded. Then the pioneers pledged their promise. The last to pass were the proxies of the Pensioners' Party, piping, for some reason, partisan pop songs.
Provocateurs appeared, presenting placards pleading pensioners to protest the pushing of the pension plank. Police protection was required. The provocation was pacified, the placards "privatized", the provocateurs "pummeled", then put away.
The post-funeral party was paid for by the parapsychological psychology union. Per the prescribed protocol, the proxies of the Ruling Party, initially shedding a tear, passionately praised P. P. Popkov, patriot, prominent pensioner. Then, getting plastered on the provided "Putinka", they piped and pranced. The party was peachy.
Shrugging their shoulders, the saddened pensioners partook of "Purgen", then parted for the polyclinics.
A monument was put up. The posthumous postscript:
To the perpetually plowing professor of parapsychological pedagogy, patriot P. P. Popkov, who passed his pension to the parliament, and by his patriotic practice provided a paradigm for the post-pubescent population of pensioners!
Perpetual President!

Afterword.
The press assumed the proper position. Publications appeared: "Shame on the provocateurs!", "Victory of the law enforcers!", "Shameful defeat of political prostitutes!"...
The phantom of the passed patriot, pensioner-parapsychologist P. P. Popkov, whispered:

— P-p-precisely...!! I p-p-prop it up....!! P-p-p-poo-poo...
Simply a performance, you perceive!